Updated: Sep 5, 2019
Just a couple of days ago, my wonderful husband to be, stood in the kitchen, cooking. I said to him: ‘Hey, do you realize that since almost 2 years we are together, like… All the time?’ He just turned around with a smiling face and twinkling in his eye and replied: ‘Yes, and isn’t it fun?’ I couldn’t stop laughing as it was not really the answer that I expected. Feeling so much gratitude.
It has been different. In the beginning, when we just met, I had the idea that this guy was hard work. A hard nut to crack. We had completely different and opposite backgrounds. He was relationally unwritten. I was a mother of 2, with a rich relational background.
He came from a very religious and protecting family with deep shame and guilt in his system. I was a survivor, a smart ass, an 'I know it and will fix it all'.
I saw his and our relationship potential. (Oh boy, a very recognizable one, right?) But *aha* didn’t I just wanted to manifest that potential right here right now?
That was not how it worked.
There were times I freaked out speaking my truth, afraid to lose him, times I was frustrated by his difficulty to open up in an intimate way, criticizing his behavior, wanting him to change faster,… All of those emotional circles ended up with a deep confrontation within, knowing it had nothing to do with my beloved at all… Releasing all those ideas that where not even mine to start with.
The more I wanted him to change, the more he built up this wall, where he was emotionally unreachable. When I started to turn inwards, stopping all my desirable projections onto him… We got a breakthrough…
Before we met, I had this idea of ending up in a long distance relationship. Something very pleasurable and safe, without the grind of being together on a daily basis. I dreamt about adventure, about freedom, an open relationship.
Exactly the opposite of what I got, this man showing up at my doorstep, not leaving me a day by myself ever since. Ok, I’m exaggerating, we do have our own businesses and visit friends once in a while, but due to the fact we don’t have our own house to live and are housesitting from one place to another with one car, and we both work from home, we spend most hours together.
I believed this would choke me. That I would be bored. That a relationship would be exciting, passionate and fun in the beginning, but would change into something boring overtime. Not with this guy. It was exactly the opposite.
I could never imagine that spending so much time with one human being, would actually be so much fun!
When you shed your patterns, something magical happens. You are completely free in your expression, and you see the other one grow more and more into his true state. As you evolve into who you truly are, this means that the relationship becomes more and more of what you really want. I can see now, that my concept of relationships was based on what I had been taught for so many years. What is manifesting now, is a relationship I secretly knew was possible and I always wished for.
I got what I wanted. And it is still evolving every single day. We are more open, more relaxed, more joyful and sillier than ever.
Not by forcing someone to meet me in my desires but through changing from the inside out.
PS: check our page if you want to know more about our process and story. https://www.facebook.com/Openhartiginrelatie/